its saturday and im BORED

Sometimes or rather most of the time i feel i dont know what i want.. in life.. im talking in terms 360' ...

I think i like being depressed and alone.. u come across so many inspirational thought provoking blah blah but i guess unless u really wanna change it will continue to be blah blah :@

changing how one thinks is damn hard even if u know change is for the better ..

man its so hot.. wondering whether i should just put the fan on... lazyyy to move anything but my fingers..

I was having a smoke today and i noticed the neighbors son camouflaged (did i spell it right) by trees on his balcony watching me .. if his mom saw i feel sorry for him .. conservative muslims they are .. and im all haram.. too old... wearing too short shorts.. surrounded by dogs.. and ash !!! anyway i couldnt enjoy my damn smoke after seeing him .... havin one after weeks too..

I dont know what to do today.. i have class at 2.30pm .. i read a bit.. damn such a boring saturday... why do we always wish what we dont/cant have! ok im bored with this too for now..ill go back to Hogwarts ... or ill end up shoving thingss in to my mouth ...

its war

im on the war path with my to be in-laws - i hate when people piss me off.. will bide my time and make them pay for probably what they dont even know they did... ahhh

yesterday...

road rage.. i didnt think it existed till i experienced it .. wow.. its uncontrollable right.. i dont mind crashing in to someone who annoys me.. thats how bad i am.. once i did it.. im not attached to my car as most people are i guess.. its just a transportation for me.. and also a tool of destruction when required.. but i only did it once.. some blogs here have actually helped me curb this anger at times.. but yesterday i came close to wanting to knock another car .... and then someone was blocking my path close to home so i stopped my car and had a good shout atleast.. i wish i had a gun!

I know its wiser to control this and think i am better than that jerk.. but sometimes to let it go is such a thrill eh!

I use to sing it just for the sake of it.. i never truly understood what it meant till last night.. now when i sing it i feel so melancholy and poignant.. i think age does that to you.. but some parts in this are thought provoking..

Our father by whose servants, our house was built of old,
whose hand hath crowned her children with blessing manifold,
for thine unfailing mercies far strewn along our way
with all who pass before us, we praise thy name today

"The changeful years unresting their silence course have sped..
New comrades ever bringing in comrade steps to tread
And some are long forgotten, long spent their hopes and fears,
Safe rest they in thy keeping, who changest not with years..

They reap not where they labored, we reap what they have sown
our harvest may be garnered by ages yet unknown
They days of old have dowered us with gifts beyond all praise
Our father make us faithful to serve the coming days,
Before us and beside us, still holden in thine hand
A cloud unseen of witness, our elder comrades stand
One family, unbroken, we join, with one acclaim,
One heart, one voice uplifting, to glorify thy name...

I never thought i would appreciate this as i do so now... guess ive grown up.. hopeful just a little..
hope i didnt missed anything... gulp

New York New York

I cant remember how young i was, i remember what i was wearing this luminous green tshirtty top.. tiniest mini skirt i could find and these green sneakers.. with a wedge..location - BE, i wasnt even semi drunk..

Ive been watching this guy across the dance floor, dancing away with so many girls.. he was cute, savvy, smile to die for and most of all had rhythm.. anyway i remember jst drinking him up with my eyes.. he didnt glance my way even one fucking time... but wait

and then finally they announced it the last song they are gonna play that night and out of the blues... this guy was next to me.. no hi whats your name talk.. he just grabbed my hands and said this is the last song and you have to dance with me.. who am i to complain.. anyway the cat seriously got my tongue.. he held me in his arms.. he was an incredible but talented flirt who didn't ever take advantage of anything.. anyway like most things in life the dance too came to an end ..

We did dance together after that, however sometimes when something is so close for your grasping you hesitate and that thing moves along.. and best of all you really dont care anymore..

I saw him recently.. after x many years.. glad i hesitated ;p

so many plans..

and so little time... actually its so little effort on my part.. time i guess we do with what we have.. that little perseverance is what im lacking at present..

anyway.. guess the main thing is do what ever rocks your boat .. jst dont look back... cause it means jack!!

To have loved and lost....

" Tis better to have loved and lost..
Than never to have loved at all"

Personally i would rather have not loved and lost... ignorance is truly bliss in such cases

.. than live life knowing that that voice you once heard.. those soft and loving hands you held are no more and never will be..

i only have memories and they do fuckall!!
sigh..

relationships

ive never in my life ever been single since.. 17 i think.. between 13-17 ive been a few times.. :D
anyway now im betrothed (ugly word).. but sometimes i wish i wasnt. I wanna do what i like doing best (please note i didnt say what i do bets.. i dont do any well!) and anything when ever i want. life is too short.. and too full of complications.. why complicate it further for the future .. ah well gotta walk the talk.. these feeling only come to me when i want to do something i know really shouldnt be... anyway..

somehow any thing with obligations first thing before comiting i look for loopholes and escape routes.. my scape is planned.. my mind made up!!im a real jerk i think!

so theres this guy..

basically we have been having these steammy ass chat sessions since 2004 .. yes ever so long.. and i actually only met him last year or begining of this year... im not all that sentimental to keep dates of these moments... anyway i jst love chatting to him he drives me so totally crazyy but the thing is i can only be that crazy online... im not an offline person... maybe a bit lazy.. and maybe a little shy.. im i would say a very boring lover!

Also the guy ehemmm is not quite my cup of tea.. but i still get turned on when chatting to him.. but only chatting.... even when i met him all i could think of was escaping ASAP.. but even now when i chat all i can think of us keeping him online.. you think im some sick online perv!!! :D

But i love chatting... but not with jst anyone.. i hate people who start by saying ASL.. or slip a dear in the the conversation really turns me off.. actually i dont have steamy conversations with jst anyone.. infact its only this one person whose made me all hot and bothered .... all my other chats are jst genral mundane day to day shit.. anyway..thats that...

AVURUDHU DAWNS

Man i got so many text messages.. well maybe thats a slight exaggeration i probably got about 7 wishing me .. but reason i say so many is because each time i got a msg the phoned beeped and i was trying to sleep but somehow its hard and u keep wondering what in that msg.. so i had to get up to assuage my curiosity...... and as suspected nothing of important...

.. the highlight for me this morning was the fact that the garbage truck came.. for obvious reasons but we also managed to get rid of all the accumulated rubbish.... rain and garbage don't get along i tell ya!

Anyway i feel like a load has been lifted.. thanks guys for coming to collect avurudu money!

Today im sposed to be sulking - at 11.30 am im going to a friends place for lunch... hope the lunch is good.....

attempt to cook

i tried and failed miserably i like to think thats because the recipes were messed and not because im not a natural born cooker .. lolz..

send me some recipes people... sharing is caring

Lion Talk

• hate people who are stingy and make use of other people, specially people who dont reciprocate.. i mean sometimes you do things cause basically your a nice person and you have genuine helping desires.. but when you keep doing things over and over again and then come to the realisation that when the roles are reversed they dont think of you in that way.. thats so fucking annoying.. im now learning to become an asshole little by little
  
• i hate to see old beggars and child beggars but my sympthy towards the old ones is more ;P.. i think of my grandfather.. man he was the best in the WORLD.. unfortunately like everyone else.. eventually he died... his name was tarzan!!!!
• Love to go out with my girlfreinds.. they r the best in the world.. ..i realsied that what ever we may be wearing.. how ever shitty we may look.. only compliments are heard.. and at the end of the day we party like we are the sexiest sirens in town.. for me mental oblivion and peace is more important than anything else!
• Have you realised how when you were a kid you never gave a shit of how dirty your hands were.. washing hands before meals was only if caught.. you were dirty with animals and hardly ever sick.. past a certain age one tends to wash your hand.. dont allow animals onto the sofa's/beds etc in the house.. but im resisting growing up and learning to do all those shite things again and loving it.. i dont wanna grow up ever...
• NKOTB is back.. i still love their old songs.. now adays its not so easy to learn the new lyrics all that rapping.. im trying.. and learning yet..gotta rock on right...
• I think im trying to be like my mom with each passing day and succeeding .. she is great and the best everrrrrr(for me) i guess everyone feels like that.. i always think you wanna know how good someone is check for 3 thinks.. if she/he is stingy with thinks, how animals are treated and how family is treated and one more i forgot check if they have friends.. some people dont have any and thats one good indicator to leave em alone! no really - trust me (although u should not)

theres this girl

and she is in love with me so totally and crazily... there is this boy too that's totaly and crazily in love with me... im not a looker really.. nor am i ugly reallyyyyy:D but still i like to think i mesmerise people.. my ego is massive although well concealed in what i think in an unassuming manner ...

i dont know what to write i really like to write about my first two sentences but im lazyy.. i think i ate too much.. lunch was awesome.. i didnt know that mango curry cooked with dry fish could be so mmmmmmm..

i know so many people who blog and since im trying to be annonymouse its so damn difficult to type.. if someone reads what i really wanna write and i know that someone its a damn easy guess..

my life is like an open book except for all my thoughts...

some times i like to sleep cause then im not bothered by anyone and i can dream my dreams which will only be jst that..

im not lazy but i dont go all out for anything... and i mean absolutely anything...

i hate holidays so fucking boring... now i have this but still ugh...neeed a smoke now too much stress thinking what to write ..

phew

once i got here i have nothing to say for now.. normally im so full of bs which i think only i think of :D i know everyone thinks like that.. but even if i know it i dont believe it ...

pls. note i wont be re-checking my grammar and spelling... atleats i spelt that right! i jst cant be bothered...

i dont feel so good today.. i put oil on my hair and i hate it.. im only doing it is because the hairdresser actually tsked when i said i didnt.. but he didnt tell me to apply but that tsk worked..

ok im off.. im on limited typoing time here... will write some of my shite thoughts later.. have lots of secret shit happening in my life!!!